So today is my birthday and I’m spending it as a day of reflection. You may have read my blog last year “Still dating at 45” which expressed my experience returning to online dating. Since that time, I have not found my next mate. Yes I have dated and even come close to entering relationships but I’m so discerning that hasn’t happened.
The things I used to ignore or call cute are now red flags. I run for the hills when I see male aggression or your sole conversation is sexually focused. I’m looking for a black unicorn. If you watch the show Being Mary Jane you know what this means. And no he doesn’t have to be black. I take the name as an emphasis on his uniqueness because most portrayals of unicorns are white.
I’m not looking for anything I’m not willing to give in return. We are living in a different time where men are allowed not to fully mature. A man who can articulate his feelings and hear mine out without an emotional response could probably get me to the alter again. I am truly looking for something special. I don’t care if he thinks I want too much as one guy said, I want what I want. The fear of being alone no longer drives me to ignore undesired behaviors. I can continue on my journey of finding a suitable mate.
I still don’t have a list nor do I intend to create one. I know the core values but it’s also the little things. Finding someone to love you unconditionally is probably the best summary I can give you. Knowing someone will do right by me even on the days he doesn’t like me so much is what I want. Someone I can be vulnerable with and know he won’t use it against me when he’s angry. Yeah you guessed it, I have a knack for picking jerks but ☝🏽 I can walk away now.
I used to make so many excuses for them. I would question myself like maybe it’s not so bad, maybe he didn’t mean it that way. It was all a way to justify my fear of being alone. I used to hear love yourself first, love you, respect yourself, etc which all sounded great but I thought I was doing those things. Since no one put their hands on me I figured I was batting 1000. Well verbal abuse, mental abuse, manipulation when allowed does not say I care about me. I’m no longer afraid to put myself first until I find a husband worth putting before me. I will do this because he in turn does it for me. It will not happen until that criteria is met. I insist on shared love and respect for each other. And I will not settle until I find it.
I’m not giving up hope. In fact, I’m more convinced than ever he will find me. Note: he will find me! As the Bible says, it’s he who findeth a wife not she who searchith a man. No I’m going back to basics. I continue to work on my RBF and being more approachable. I speak with no intentions because they are all my brothers (not brothas) in Christ. I’m hopeful and thoroughly convinced, it will happen but only in HIS timing not mine. You may see this blog for several more years. Who knows?! The point is for me not to stop believing or doing the work in preparation.
Stay strong ladies and gents…patience is seriously a virtue!