Dating After Marriage…

No one gets married to get divorced but things happen. You try to make the relationship work but sometimes it’s just too late. The work needed to happen sooner and now you can’t turn it around. Whatever the cause for the fail…it’s over and you find yourself trying to navigate in world you’ve been out of for years.

I’ve been married for 5 years and in this relationship for 10. Now I have to figure out how to start over again. I don’t know about you but I haven’t been approached or approached someone for I don’t know how long. I’m over 40 so going to bars to troll for men is barely short of repulsive to me. I’ve lost my knack for flirting and I don’t exactly feel as vivacious as I once did. I started talking to friends about how to “get back out there” and of course they suggested online dating. Who the hell thought of this concept? Talk about a culture shock.

I registered on a very popular site and almost immediately I was overwhelmed by the number of inquiries. There are likes, winks, and messages…oh my! The suggestions for a successful experience ask that you treat everyone with respect and respond accordingly. I took heed to this advice only to find myself unable to keep with the “thank you notes”. I sent them whether I was interested or not and received some pretty nasty responses when I wasn’t. It didn’t dawn on me the amount of courage hiding behind a keyboard affords you. I guess there is some truth to this Internet bullying and not just a title made up to increase parental guidance. Needless to say I met some interesting people and some strange ones alike. Internet dating is a challenge! People are so quick to dismiss you if you don’t have the right look or your profile lacks the substance to gain their attention. Everyone is impatient and they want to move from conversing through the site to texting. I’m old school so getting to know someone over text doesn’t quite work for me.

I’ve had some not so great experiences with trying to date again. This painful process seems to entertain my friends so I decided to start blogging about it. I also wanted to memorialize the journey so when I do find love again I will remember that I don’t want to come back here. I will be reminded that I need to work harder at my relationships and be of service. I thought submission was weak but I’m learning it is not. We all want to be loved, treated nicely, and have a safe environment to be ourselves. I can’t say this has always been my understanding and thus take some accountability for the breakdown of my marriage.

I am hoping my insight and experiences will help someone else in my shoes gain their footing. At the very least I want another 40+ woman starting over to know she’s not alone. Welcome to my blog! Enjoy the ride!!!!


About ariessays

I have no other purpose but to honestly share my thoughts and experiences in hopes of helping someone else cope with this journey called life.
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2 Responses to Dating After Marriage…

  1. Shola says:

    Interesting piece.

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