So I agree to meet an online acquaintance…we’ll call him “the artist”. We conversed not conversated over emails for about two weeks before deciding to meet in person. He seemed like a decent guy. There were a few red flags during discussion but I wanted to make sure I wasn’t writing off men at the first sign of a characteristic I didn’t like. I realize, now that I’m over 40 I’m pretty set in my ways and am very clear about what I want.
He chose an Italian restaurant that can be described as mediocre at best but I was gamed. So we agreed to meet there because of course I don’t want a stranger visiting my home. He was 29 minutes late. I know this because I had decided if the clocked reached 30 I was leaving. I was greeted with a hug which I wasn’t comfortable with but didn’t want to make a big deal about it. My concerns were valid as I had to ask him to let me go. Should this really need to be said when you first meet someone? Geez!
The bread came and after breaking a piece for himself, holding the entire loaf, he asked if I wanted a piece? Of course, I declined. He then ordered an appetizer which I don’t usually partake but since I declined the bread I thought I would oblige. It was pretty good for a ravioli. Cut to entrees dinner was good. The conversation flowed freely; however, he asked if he looked like his photo? I said yes. He asked if there was anything different from what I saw on his profile and I said no. He went on to tell me how pretty I was among other compliments. I thanked him as the first one was endearing but more than that made me uncomfortable. We finished dinner and I had to leave because the next day was a work day. I’m a weekend girl (cue the music)!
I got the distinct feeling he was hiding his car from me. I still don’t know if this is true but my gut says yes. So he walks me to my car and he wants another hug. I’m reluctant as it didn’t go well the first time. I decided to take one for the team and give him another one. Again I felt like Petunia trying to escape Pepe Le’ Pew. He leaned in for a kiss in which I politely turned to give him my on cheek. He accepted it and I got in my car. He proceeded to have a conversation with me in the parking lot. I didn’t understand why because we’d sat at the table long after dinner so he had ample time to say what he wanted to convey. I ended the conversation reiterating my need to get up the next morning. He then leans into my window saying he’s going to bend down for 5 secs and I can do whatever I want with him. I wish I could show you the look on my face (envision that “no he didn’t” sista girl look and you’ve seen it). He figured it out in less than 5 seconds and removed himself from my window.
I text him when I made it home as agreed and thanked him for dinner. The next day he called me while I was at work and left a message. He also text messaged stating we needed to talk. I don’t know about you but those words usually mean trouble is brewing but how could that be with someone I just met? I’m about to tell you.
I called him as it sounded urgent and he begin to berate me for not appearing interested in him. He said I didn’t text him to say good morning (which I hadn’t done EVER) and that I did not compliment him during our date. I was in complete shock and disbelief. Being an Aries, we’re quick to respond (sometimes without forethought). I’m not proud of this trait but I am honest. So I responded in gest by defending my actions which technically didn’t require any explaination. We proceeded to go back and forth about what occurred and I abruptly ended the call to return to work. I promised to call him after work so we could finish the discussion.
Unfortunately, I kept my word and returned his call. Again we argued as if we’d been in a long term relationship. He reiterated how I seemed disinterested and I argued if I were I wouldn’t have committed to a second date to see a movie. Of course, he didn’t recall that part of the conversation citing if I had we would have made the plans on what to see, where, and when. Ridiculous! I won’t bore you with the details of this non sense but we finally agreed to disagree and chalked it up as a misunderstanding. I will say that he made the comment that I didn’t know what I wanted and if I didn’t want to date I shouldn’t have joined the site.
After much thought and discussions with friends, he was right! Damn I hate it when that happens! I didn’t know what I wanted. I hadn’t filed for divorce yet I was separated. I hadn’t had a clear vision of what I wanted next to have the discernment needed to weed out those that didn’t fit. I called him up to tell him that I had decided it was best for us to go our separate ways. When he questioned why, I had to be honest and tell him it was because we had too much drama for two people who had just met. I told him he was right (ugh hard to swallow) and I wasn’t ready to date. Additionally, I advised he was quite rude and disrespectful and I wasn’t interested in those characteristics. He became loud and argumentative which solidified my decision even further making it easy to end the call.
I removed myself from that site and took some time to get clear. I wish I could say I never heard from him again but of course that wasn’t true. He called out of the blue and left a message asking if I were ready for that second date yet. I called back leaving a message that nothing had changed and I still wasn’t ready to date. He called again to tell me it was joke and that he didn’t really want another date but mainly called to see how was I doing. Really? What are you 12? If I had agreed to that date we’d have gone but I’ll let him do whatever he needs to do to make himself feel better.
What did I learn from this date? Men need validation too! They want to know if you’re interested and if they can’t read you…it can be frustrating. I will try to communicate my interest more effectively in the future. I will also make my decisions faster alleviating any hope for the future if there isn’t one.
I was extremely concerned about this journey since this was the first date but I tried to remain positive. I have a few more to share with you that aren’t much better but I refuse to give up. I know there is someone else out there for me. It takes time to meet a like-minded individual. I just have to remain open.