Dating in Los Angeles is not for the faint at heart. So I met this guy in the grocery while shopping with my aunt. He was charming and quite polite when he apologized for interrupting our shopping but had to say hello because you never know where you might meet “the one”. Well how do you turn down a line like that?! And no I didn’t believe I was the one but it was entertaining to say the least.
I didn’t notice how unattractive he was initially. I knew he didn’t gross me out but there was nothing special or memorable about him. We had our first conversation on the phone where he disclaimed he told his mother about me. Really? Already? That’s odd but ok! What did “mom” say? She was proud of him making the connection even though it wasn’t the most opportune time.
We agreed to meet for dinner at a neutral location. He said pick a place *anywhere* you want. Well since you said anywhere I’d like to go to Houston’s. I don’t know if there’s one in your area but it beats McDonalds; however, it’s not 4 star restaurant. I guess I would give it 3 stars on a good night. So we met at the restaurant and he was on time which was a good sign right?! Unfortunately I hadn’t noticed he was missing a key tooth on the side of his mouth that was alarmingly visible when he smiled. I have no idea what its called but it’s the one between your front tooth and your pointed tooth. What’s it called? Actually does it matter? It was MISSING! Speaking of missing, how did I not notice this before? Was I blinded by his whack charm?
We waited for our table (no they don’t take reservations) and there were some awkward silences. After about 20 minutes, we were escorted to a table. It was quite loud so I asked him to sit next me. You would’ve thought I asked him to eat off my fork or something. He was quite resistant to relocating and finally acquiesced. We had good conversation pre-entrees and he ordered a glass of wine. I followed suit and ordered a glass of red wine with a steak dinner. He ordered a steak as well. I asked him what he did for living and he began telling me about his dreams. I thought WTH? I asked about your current job not your lofty dreams. I took the risk of asking again because I really wanted to know and he did NOT answer. He told me he sold bullshit for a living. I thought it was funny but was a bit annoyed he didn’t tell me what he actually sold.
We finished dinner and received boxes for the leftovers. He parked 2 rows closer than I did but needed to stop at his car to put his food inside. Note: we’ll revisit this later! So he walked me to my car and without asking jumped in the passenger seat. I wasn’t comfortable with this action but decided not to make a big deal out of it since we were in a public parking lot. He told me he had a great time and wanted to see me again. He asked when we could get together and I of course said whenever. He took advantage of that answer and said ok tomorrow then? I had to recant and renegotiate for Friday night. He agreed and decided that was the moment to give me a kiss. I tried to give him my cheek but he was not having it. I decided to give him a closed mouth kiss which he gladly took. He actually took three of them and I had to tell him that was enough. I even joked telling him I was a good girl and my angelic light is what drew him to me in the grocery store. He told me I’m not an angel and I said stop it. He said that’s what you’ll be saying because I keep going and going. I don’t stop! I got a lot of energy! —-Um sir where the hell did that come from? Can I get through one date without these oversexed comments? I guess not! *You’ll see in later blogs to come* It’s my lot in life I guess. Anywho…
We ended the date and went our separate ways. I was a bit bummed he didn’t ask to know if I made it home safely. When I arrived home, I received a text shortly after advising he’d made it home and wanted to know if I was home safe. Great! I’ll give you 10 cool points back! So we speak on the phone the next night and we’re both watching movies. He makes the comment it’s a shame we’re both watching movies but in separate locations. No it’s not homie cause I don’t know you and until I do that’s how we’ll watch movies. I started to end the call because I could see where this conversation was headed. I told him I needed to go to bed because I had jury duty (JOY). He asked if I was going to work and I said probably not as I would be there all day or possibly longer if selected for a case.
I went to bed and text him the following day from jury duty. I wished him a good day (off) and he told me he was enroute to the gym. He told me to have fun and I told him I doubted that very seriously…..this was thee last time I ever heard from steakumms!
Our 2nd date was 2 days away and I hadn’t heard from him. I decided since he was off I’d give him the space to enjoy his time. I savor mine so I wanted to be considerate. Maybe that was the wrong move because date day came AND went. I finally text him on our one week meeting anniversary and said something like “who would’ve thought just one week later we’d lose touch. I can’t imagine I did anything to offend you because surely someone with your manners would give me the opportunity to respond/apologize.” No response! I mean absolute silence!
I pondered over this for days and finally came to the conclusion that my name isn’t Keysha. If you can’t tell by my twang, I’m a brown girl and not in the Latina sense. Every Summer I give my hair a break from the heat and vacay a few months in braids. I think steakumms thought I was a Keysha and for a $40 steak he should get “some”. Seriously?! I can afford that on any Wednesday and twice on Sunday. I came to this realization when I recapped the evening. Remember I said he stopped at his car? He wanted me to know he drove a Lexus. Whoopie Freaking Doo! I have a Honda now but I’ve had a Lexus so I’m not easily impressed. I’m not rich but I have lived and continue to live a pretty charmed life. You’d have to be wealthy not rich to impress me and even then it would only motivate me to reach your level. Anyway, he said he sold bullshit for a living…yep that’s accurate. The grocery store charm, the decent meal, it was all a set up for a one night stand. I wished he had told me the plan so I wouldn’t have wasted his time. I’m not Keysha and it takes more than a Lexus and steak to get near aaalll ooff ttthhhiss 😉
So tah tah Steakumms!
Good luck with your prowl dude! Oh and get your tooth fixed bruh!