I started this year with a decision that would change my life. I was so hopeful and faithful that everything would work out for my good. I am still in that space; however, let me tell you how I’ve been tested.
I applied for unemployment insurance to help supplement my loss of income. I was immediately denied because I resigned without cause (according to them). I was so frustrated that I decided to say F$%& them and move on. Thank God for parents! My mother said “well you already got a no, what will be the big deal if they say no to the appeal?” Because I didn’t have a viable answer, I took her advice.
I received a hearing date and prepared to explain my side of the story. When I tell you I received the meanest ALJ (Administrative Law Judge) in the whole unemployment system…I did! She had zero warmth. She was abrupt and curt. She questioned me as if I were on trial. I thought, is this what it feels like to be treated as a hostile witness? When it was all said and done she released me from the room without so much as eye contact. Being raised with manners, I wished her a Happy Mother’s Day and exited the room. When everyone called to see how it had gone, I advised them that if she made the decision then I was screwed.
Funny that you think you know the outcome of a situation. I received a letter in the mail approximately a week and a half later advising that the decision had been reversed. Hallelujah!!!!
Well that joy lasted only for a moment because three more weeks went by and no word. I was still receiving sheets to complete regarding my weekly status but no checks. God is always on time is not just a saying! I was down to my last $500 cash when I received another $500 check in the mail from my insurance company. It was an expected deductible reimbursement that I had given up hope of obtaining. Yes in the midst of all this someone hit my car and lied about being at fault. Ugh! When you are in the valley you are in deep. Well back to God’s timing….I put the check in the bank instead of back on the credit card I used because it was the only cash I had. Months and months with no income. Praise God my daddy taught me how to save but all accounts get low if there are ONLY withdrawals.
In a previous post, I reminded you that faith without works is DEAD! I tried daily to call unemployment but to no avail. I finally reached someone in the career office who walked my through a multitude of steps to send an email request. A few days later, I received a call. There was a question regarding my previous title that placed my funds on hold. A letter was sent to my previous employer without a response. I guess it made too much sense to contact me with the inquiry. They released the funds that day and a week later I received a debit card for payment.
While I’ve been searching for employment and let me say specific employment, I have increased my relationship with my Lord and Savior. I have received calls for jobs doing what I’ve done in the past but I no longer wish to do that. My gut is telling me that it’s not for me and I need to make a change now. Again, I am afraid but I trust my gut and God! I have to make this shift or I strongly believe I will be literally stuck in this specialization.
There are days I have not looked for anything because I was just too sad about the postings listed. There are days I’ve applied for several things all to receive rejection emails. I WILL NOT GIVE UP! I have decided to turn the sad days into days I do things for myself that make me happy. I get back to a positive space and start my journey again. Everyone that has ever reached their dream has sacrificed and appeared a bit crazy to others. So many have said, just take something and then look for what you want later. NO! I want to find something I enjoy and spend some years there fulfilling my purpose.
I have said that what happens TO me is FOR me…so what should I do in the meantime? Keep pushing! I have also started working out to alleviate the stress of it all. I started on the elliptical at 10 min (I was so out of shape) and now I’m up to 45 minutes. I’m going to hover here for while as 50 minutes caused my knees discomfort. You have to listen to your body as well as your mind and spirit. I am not defeated at 45 minutes because I was doing 0 minutes prior.
I have written all of this to say that faith doesn’t make things easier for you. It gives you something to hold on to when in doubt. I know, that I know, that I know, that this will all work to my benefit eventually. When things happen, I feel there is a lesson to be learned. I don’t grow when things are going well. I go about life smiling and not trying to stretch myself outside of my comfort zone. I believe trials occur to remind you there is a higher power and you’re not doing something right. And I KNOW I lack patience so right now it is being pushed and tested to the limit. I will say I have no reason to doubt this journey because I have always come out victorious on the other side of struggle.
Good days or bad days are all a part of HIS plan. Because I can’t change this situation without HIM, I will know that it was mercy or grace that shifted the winds. Until then, I will continue to praise HIM even in the difficult times. I will activate my faith as many times as needed to get me through. I will also call on HIM to be my strength when I’m too weak to take another step.
I hope this has provided encouragement and reminded you to trust yourself and hold on! This too shall pass! HE will never put more on you than you can bear. It may feel like you can’t but you will see how truly strong you are in trials by fire.