I touched on this the other day….that I am in this vortex of finding men that I don’t like. As I sit here in Starbucks, I ponder on what to do about a man that I’m getting to know but am not interested. My grandma always said like who likes you but we’re not in those times anymore. I want to say it wasn’t easy then but if you wanted to have children you had to find a mate and young. Women now are opting not to have children. I am one of them. I initially thought I did but realized late in life it was everyone’s wish for me but not my own.
As I said last week, I have resulted to online dating. I made a decision as I shared to no longer partake in this madness. Unfortunately, I met two gentlemen before closing my account. I thought I should at least entertain the discussions since they technically made the cut off. We exchanged numbers and as usual it was not organic in the least bit. This is my gripe with online dating. It is so awkward at least for me. If it works for you, no judgment. Maybe I’m the weird one?! Match.com is making a fortune in sales so it’s likely it is just not for me. Anyway I digress…lets get back to these dudes.
So one reaches out to me via text after I give him my number. This was ok seeing as he basically just said hello its John (name changed to protect the innocent) and to have a blessed day. I said whoa! Can this one possibly have manners? I wished him the same and he asked if I were free around 7? I was starting to like his vibe already. No I hadn’t purchased a wedding dress but little things like manners tend to excite me and not the way you’re thinking you little minx. 😉 I said I believe so yes and understandably thought we would connect later. Later never came! Because I have to have the last word, I sent a text advising him I guess he forgot about me. No response. The next day I sent another text advising I wanted to speak to him and he replied right away saying he wanted to speak to me too. He said he would be available that evening. Not wanting a repeat of the prior day, I called. He didn’t answer but sent a text stating he was with a client and would call me later. I thanked him for the text and advised I may be asleep but let’s see. He text again around 11 and I was in fact sleep. He asked if I were still up? I replied the next morning saying I am now! 🙂 And again no response! Needless to say I never heard from him again. I already felt I had done too much. Effort equals interest and his was not present. I know this is contradictory to the title but I’m getting there. Enjoy the ride…we’re taking the scenic route!
He basically took himself out of the process so that’s one down and one to go! The second guy Jim (name changed again to protect the innocent). He basically emailed me to death. I finally had to tell him my account was ending and he could reach me on the phone. He called right after I sent the message. How’s that for effort? I advised him I couldn’t talk but would call him later. We spoke that evening for about four hours. He is an extremely intelligent gentleman with a quick wit. He is intriguing and challenging which is also impressive. I like a man who can make me think when I speak to him. Massage my mind and the rest will follow….well maybe!
After that conversation we spoke again for a couple of hours and then boom he disappeared for a whole week. That was ok because I’m not the clingy type. I don’t need to speak to you daily unless you’re my man. Even then I think it’s more about your safety then me needing to talk. When we spoke again he proceeded to tell me how special he felt because I sent him a good luck text earlier in the week before his big meeting. It was cool to hear but I’m naturally a thoughtful person. It had nothing to do with scoring points with him, Mr Special. He went on to say he had shared some personal things with me in hopes that I would open up. I need a sign that says don’t ever test me because I will fail every time. Just ask for what you want. I’m not a mind reader. He said he felt like I was dating other men. I assured him I was and he said that explained it all. Actually it didn’t because I don’t open up easily. I didn’t know him from Adam or even know if I wanted to know him. Some of his conversations came across as self centered and a bit rude. I was still trying to give it a chance because I can be quite critical. I’m looking for extraordinary and if I don’t see it relatively quickly I will likely write you off. I’m in rehab (hahaha) for this syndrome so he was my first case study. He went on to talk about how he views us and where this could go. Mind you I have not met this man in person. Someone with lesser esteem may find this flattering. I find it off putting and dare I say desperate.
I’m beginning to think I should trust my gut. If I’m missing something, God will send me a wake up call as he always does. He may like me but I don’t like him. I can’t force shit. Either I feel it or I don’t. The key I’m learning is to be unapologetically discerning. FUCK what everybody else thinks! Fuck the fear of loneliness! Fuck feeling like the cat lady! Actually I have dogs but you get the point.
I would rather be lonely than alone together (no that’s not a typo…think about it)!!!