Still dating at 45…

I don’t know how I ended up here…oh yes I do…I got rid of my husband when I found out he was cheating. All of my younger years, I have gone from one relationship to another. I never took the time to truly establish what I wanted or needed. At this stage in life, I have done just that and guess what? I can’t find it!

Once you get to a certain age, you start to think about the future and not walk down the aisle in a white dress future. No I’m talking about who will make the decisions for you when your mind begins to fade from early on set Alzheimer’s or the dreaded dementia. You want a partner in life so you know that someone is always there to watch your back and make sure you’re treated properly.

I’m not one for going out much. In all honesty, I like to stay at home. I completely redecorated after my husbands departure. I created a space that makes me happy just to look at and relax in. Unfortunately, my next partner is probably not going to come knocking at the front door. And truth be told, I wouldn’t answer if he did! As a single woman, I have a practice of not answering the door if I’m not expecting guests.

I have returned to the forsaken ground of online dating. I swear this is the loser pit for those who don’t have the guts to flirt with a stranger in real life. Considering the fact that I told you I have rejoined, it’s obvious my flirt score is pretty damn low. Even though I am a confident and competent professional, I’m still an amateur when it comes to talking to randomly hot men. They make me nervous and I don’t come across as the phenomenal woman I know myself to be.

Online dating sucks as much as it does in person. I’m not sure if it isn’t worse for self-esteem because it actually provides others the option to dismiss you on your physical appearance alone. If you wink or like someone and they view your profile later with no commentary, it stings! You’re not his type although you met all the check boxes on what he said his preferences were. And I don’t know about other women but for me, the men I like don’t ever seem to like me. The ones that like me, I don’t like. Go figure! It feels like junior high school all over again. And don’t get me started on the rudeness, you send a man a message and he doesn’t respond. Why would you ignore someone? You deserve to be single if that’s how you treat a lady.

The one thing I have learned while being single, is that it is a choice! I have met a ton of men chatting and in person. I have dismissed many of them because they didn’t fit the bill one way or the other. I proudly admit I don’t have a checklist for them to meet; however, I have some core values I’m not willing to compromise on i.e. disrespect, verbal abuse, sexual aggression, etc. I want to “court” as I grandmother used to say. I want a man to genuinely show interest by calling not texting. I want him to ask me out on a real date not frozen yogurt. I want to get to know him intellectually not just sexually. What they fail to realize, if you can’t stimulate my mind you will never stimulate my vagina. That’s the way it works for me anyway. I know some women can get in and get out with the best of em but I didn’t get that gene.

I have decided that I need to spend some time working on myself. There are some areas that I know I must improve in order to be the partner I want to be for my next mate. I admit to being quick-tempered and short on patience. Improvement in these areas alone will increase my chances for lasting love. Every happy person I encounter said they found their mate when they weren’t looking. It has to be organic and online dating is just not organic. If someone isn’t lusting after a photo, they are trying to scam you for something i.e. money, sex, citizenship, etc.

I haven’t found love again so I don’t have any tips on what one should do but I will share my personal next step with you. I have committed to being my most best self. I know that I present a “fuck off” facial expression. I also get irritated when men stare at me and don’t speak. I have missed several opportunities because I won’t take the risk to speak to a man I find attractive. Because of the above, I have decided to step out of my comfort zone. I am going to smile when a good-looking man gazes at me. I’m going to speak when not spoken to in order to open the lines of communication. I have every faith in God that I will marry again but faith without works is dead. I need to get to work and make being single enjoyable again.

My friends believe the answer is meeting people of different cultures because trying something new is the key. I’m not opposed to it at all but unfortunately I haven’t been attracted to those who don’t look like me and can’t identify with me. As I said, I don’t have all the answers but I know expecting different results while doing the same thing is the definition of insanity. I’m remaining open to whatever the universe brings me.

I don’t know what the future holds but I know if I want one I have to do my part. They say if you want to change the world, start from within. Well I want to change my world so I’m going to work on changing me first. If the laws of attraction are real, I’ll have a mate in no time.

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About ariessays

I have no other purpose but to honestly share my thoughts and experiences in hopes of helping someone else cope with this journey called life.
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