I recently met a gentleman when I wasn’t even trying. These tend to be the best relationships based on my past experience.
I was sitting minding my own business at a coffee shop writing one of my blogs when he passed me a note. It started with an apology for the intrusion. He had noticed my hand bag and complimented my taste. I smiled, complimented him for knowing the designer and went back to writing. Long story short, when it was time to leave he’d disappeared. Feeling like it shouldn’t end this way, I left my card with his things. He text me later that evening thanking me for leaving the card. He went on to say that I’d made his day and he was intrigued to get to know me. We had a lengthy text exchange and ended with the desire to speak again soon.
After a couple days, I gave him a call. I mean it is 2016 right?! We spoke for maybe 10 minutes. I text him the following day and received no response. I called again a few days later and we chatted for 20 minutes. Are you starting to see a pattern here? This communication was one way and one way only! 😳 So a couple more days passed and I decided to send, what I call an “honesty” text. In short, it said he didn’t appear interested except for when I reached out and if I’m wrong let me know. Otherwise, he knows where to find me when he’s ready. Well, surprise surprise….he didn’t respond. I called later to see if he’d received the text and again no response. I sent a final text with the sole intent of advising I no hard feelings; however, his behavior was rude and absolutely unwarranted. I’ve had to curve a few dudes in my day but always with honesty and integrity. They may not have liked it but they respected it.
I recapped the events with a friend of mine who read me the riot act. She basically reminded me that he implied he couldn’t afford to date right now. I hadn’t forgotten, I thought we weren’t going to a steak house anytime soon, not that we couldn’t get to know each other. She also said he didn’t owe me anything. I disagreed because human decency is owed to everyone especially if you’re a self proclaimed southern gentleman AND Christian. Even in disagreement, I gave her feedback some serious consideration. Following that were a series of events with a resounding theme about patience. Here is where I discovered God was trying to tell me something. There is such a thing called coincidence and then there’s God sending you multiple messages in rapid succession all pointing to patience! I admit I am severely lacking in this area. Being an only child AND an Aries doesn’t bode well for fostering patience.
In this moment, I realized I’m not ready to be a helpmeet. Love requires patience (it’s in the Bible) and I don’t have any!!! I’m not sure what line I was in when it was being passed out but I surely got there a day late and a dollar short. God is repeatedly testing my patience and I have epic fails every time. I have decided that I am no longer dating material. I need to focus on my development areas.
Most importantly, when I return to dating I’m not going to worry about if he knows I’m interested. My weakness is the fear of him leaving because I appear disinterested or too independent. It is a direct correlation to my anxiety and aggressive behaviors. I’m the woman and should conduct myself as such. I need to be pursued. Men are hunters so I should allow them to hunt. If he doesn’t, I’ll wait for the next one.
It’s obvious I should not have to question a man’s interest. I have been with way too many men (not like that!) to not know what interest looks like. For those who are still unsure, let me clarify. He calls, he texts when he can’t call, he texts back relatively quickly when you message him, if he doesn’t, he will explain why when he does, he plans all your dates, in a nutshell…he puts forth effort!
And Effort = Interest…point blank period!
So I am going to allow myself time to commune with God to enhance the areas that are not pleasing to Him. When God sends someone to me, I want to have the patience for him to support reach his full potential and divine purpose. I don’t want to be aggressive or nagging because that is a turn off and no fun for anyone. This kind of self awareness is hard to come to terms with and even harder to share with you all. I’m forever evolving and this is just one of many more changes to come.