My husband left Labor Day weekend three years ago. He left reluctantly after having cheated on me for the third time. Did he cheat before we got married? Yes! Why did I marry him? Because like a lot of women, I thought the commitment of marriage before God and our family would change him. I now know, who you get engaged to, is who you will be married to. There is no difference! So be sure your yes to the proposal, is to the person they are and not their potential because you may find yourself extremely disappointed as I did.
Even though I initiated the separation, it didn’t make it any less painful from my perspective. It still hurts to this day because he was my happily ever after. I have never loved a man the way I loved him. He had my whole heart and that betrayal left me broken. Until today, I had not realized I’ve spent all this time trying to replace him. I viewed my single season as a curse. I have desired marriage for as long as I can remember. I enjoy being a part of something bigger than myself. If I knew what I know now, we would have never walked down the aisle. I’m such a different person than the woman he married. I’m smarter, wiser, stronger, confident, discerning, and most importantly God fearing. Although I’ve always been honest, I’m also much better now at telling the whole truth.
I could write this blog in a way that makes you feel sorry for me as the dutiful wife that was cheated on. He’s not a monster and I’m no shrinking violent. The infidelity was a culmination of bigger symptoms that occurred over the years. There is no sole responsible party in the collapse of our union. His act was just the catalyst that brought about required change. I have worked hard towards my healing but it’s an ever evolving process.
Today, I realize I have spent too much time trying to replace him. It’s ok that I want to be remarried again but what about all the traits that brought the last one to a demise? I know how the saying goes, “the best way to get over the last one is to get under a new one”. And it is seriously funny but in real life THAT is perpetuating the cycle. You don’t want to do that. Take the time to find yourself. I’m spending time really understanding my strengths and weaknesses. I’m trying to understand how to communicate better and why I have so little patience? What is the root of all my hurry? Where exactly am I going? And why must I get there NOW?! I don’t want to go into another relationship with all the baggage from the others. An overnight bag is acceptable but luggage is down right destructive.
There is no need for me to find a replacement for my husband. That chapter in my life is over and it’s time to move forward. There is no evidence of him ever being here except for my driving passion to fill his spot. That’s not closure because closure requires acceptance. Maybe there is no new spot? Maybe God has another plan for my life? My goal is to seek Him and His guidance. The last time I checked, He didn’t need my help to bless me. I am turning this chapter of my life over to Him. Clearly I can’t be trusted to fix it. My prayers and work are toward preparation and positioning. Should I get another chance at marriage, I will be ready!
This job posting is closed! There’s a restructuring taking place. The sign now says “under new management”. 😉
Let’s see where this leadership takes me..