My Spiritual Dilemma

In my single season, I have decided God wants me to get closer to Him and stay focused on my purpose. Sounds ideal right?! So why is it so difficult? When my husband left, I did a lot of soul searching. I wanted to change my life. I made visual changes as well as internal ones. I made the decision that I needed to return to church and I did. It was a lot easier than I thought it would be. I have barely missed any Sunday services. 

Now that I am no longer dating (wish I had done this in the Summer and not cuffing season), I want to increase my knowledge in the word. As my pastor says, don’t rely on him! Read the word for yourself. Throughout my life I have attempted to read the bible. I’ve always admired those who could recite an applicable scripture in times of encouragement. I on the other hand have a comprehension problem when it comes to the bible. I pray for understanding and I start with great intentions but I just get lost in translation. 

Out of this frustration, I read a little and close it. Someone told me about the the NLT version which brought me great excitement. I even went and bought a beautiful pink one as my new book. Unfortunately someone also emailed me describing the conspiracy to remove certain scriptures. When it said look up certain ones, I did, and they weren’t there.😳 Completely disheartened I abandoned this option as well. Sometimes I think some reading is better than none. Yet other times I’m just frustrated with myself for lacking commitment. 

This is my own insecurity and I need to buckle down to face it head on. I can’t give up on myself. I’ve earned two degrees so surely I can read. Like I’ve mentioned in earlier blogs, I have no patience! Because I can’t grasp this easily, my lack of patience wins every time. I need to focus and cut myself some slack. I wasn’t reading it at all nor did I care to. Now I at least want this knowledge. I am thirsting for it so I hope this is the catalyst I need to persevere. 

If any of you had this struggle and used some tool(s) to overcome it, I’m open to suggestions. Pray for me guys as I want to get through this cover to cover! 

God bless 


About ariessays

I have no other purpose but to honestly share my thoughts and experiences in hopes of helping someone else cope with this journey called life.
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