Last week, I started a series advising I would chronicle my journey through a 365 day devotional. If you haven’t read it, check out “Yes Lord, I’m finally listening…”. The title didn’t quite capture the objective so I changed it. I wanted to title the series because I didn’t want to limit my blogging. The great Tony Gaskins taught me something this week. He does not allow anyone to put him in a box. I don’t want to be placed in a box either. I want to write whatever is on my heart so my blog does not focus on one subject. It has two objectives: 1. Satisfy my love for writing. 2.Execute my desire to share a story in way that helps someone, resonates with someone, or just plain entertains someone.
I’m proud to say that I stuck to my regimen the entire week. The only day I didn’t read my devotional in the morning was today because I was running late for church. I will read it before closing my eyes tonight as I have to get back on track for the week. As I read it, I didn’t realize the book was broken into weekly sections. Last week focused strictly on anxiety hence the hyphenated title above. The premise is that if you fully put your trust in the Lord, you won’t have anxiety. God is with you at all times IF you allow Him. I had so many epiphanies of things that I have been doing to block my peace. What you ask? Well one is my faith is not as strong as it should be. Let me quantify because I know judgment is stirring somewhere. I believe in my Lord and Savior wholeheartedly. My struggle is holding on to the unseen. This is where I am in the world and not of the world. As a Christian, you know this is NOT the way. I am to elevate my conscience in a way that grabs hold of faith. I believe in HIS promises. I have witnessed them come to fruition so many times I’ve lost count. Oh but when I ask for something and don’t see a single clue that its on the way…I tend to grow weary. When I get a little sign, I can hold on until delivery. My humanness disrupts my faith and causes me anxiety.
I commit to surrendering and giving something to God when all else has failed. I literally brush my hands together and say ‘I’m done Lord! This one is on you! I will wait for you to handle it.’ As sure as the sun sets, that physical being kicks in again. I say maybe I could do this one thing to speed up the process. God created the heavens and the earth. He does not need any help from little ol me and that’s not surrendering. Peeking around every corner for the metaphorical post man to deliver is not turning it over. I learned that letting go means not worrying any further. I have not mastered this concept. He Whispers Your Name reminds you that God can’t fix what you’re holding onto. It makes perfect sense. Why in the world would I ask for help IF I’m going to keep trying to fix it?! Then you think, well faith without works is dead. We heard it a thousand times right?! I have come to understand that the ‘work’, is what God is leading me to do, and not what I think I should do, to further the process. There is a distinct difference in the two. As I increase my relationship with HIM, I’m learning to discern when He’s asking me to do something vs. me asking me to do something. When it’s HIM it’s a revelation! When it’s me its questionable, its hesitant, its not in perfect peace. Oh yeah there’s a difference and if you tell yourself the absolute truth you know the difference too. If you don’t, fear not and continue your walk because you will see it in due season.
I found out that I selectively trust the Lord. I give Him the things that are too big for me to handle. I don’t give Him everything. I didn’t want to burden Him with my day to day trials. I thought I should ration my requests in order not to appear too greedy. I woke up this week by reading to knowing I should speak to Him in all things. Nothing is too small or too big for Him. If I don’t share it all, I may be holding onto something He could easily fix if I just release it. Arriving at perfect peace in good times and bad is learning to trust in all situations. Like anything else this takes practice. I have recited all things work together for my good countless times. Mainly when something is happening that didn’t go as planned and I needed a catalyst to keep pushing forward.
Learning to mitigate anxiety altogether is key. Don’t worry in anything because even when things haven’t gone as planned…they have worked out as I hoped and most of the time for the better. I finally understand the saying you should never be lonely because I am never alone. At work, in church, at the grocery store….I am never alone! God is always with me and He hears my prayers. I must learn to give up control in surrender and stop blocking my own blessing(s). As my pastor would say, “get out of your own way”! I’m certain I have delayed, if not stopped blessings, simply because I thought I could figure it out on my own. I am smarter than some but I got nothing on God! I’m going to begin leaning on Him in way I have never done before. I’m going to counsel Him in all things so His voice is loud and clear. No more distractions or quick fixes. I’m working on patience because we know its His timing and not ours. If I knew how to fix these things, they would be done already. I will do what I can do and surrender the rest to move on to the next thing I can do.
This week, we focus on Faith! The perfect segway since I have learned how to eliminate anxiety. Don’t get me wrong, I’m always working on it but I did learn HOW to do it.
Thank you for reading…..have a blessed week!
*This series is a summary of my lessons from He Whispers Your Name by Cherie Hill*